Hey!
Wow it's my first post let me tell you a little about myself....
I must confess that I was a messed up kid.
It might of been because of what happened in my childhood,
or maybe I was born with it.. I don't know yet. At age 2 or 3
I was already going to a psychologist.. and when my parents
took me to the shrink for help, the shrink locked me in a room for
over a half an houralone, and of course I reacted as any other 3 year
old would.. I screamed and cried for my mommy and daddy.
When I was little I used to be afraid of everything,
I wouldn't sleep in my own bed. I slept with my parents
until i was 7 years old. During elementary school when I
took potty breaks I would look in the bathroom mirrors and
I would ask myself.. Who am i? Where did I come from?
Why am I here?.. I remember
my eyes having a blank look in them. I was always thinking
someone was after me or watching me ..like in those edge-of-your-seat
scary movies. I was kinda shy back then,I didn't like spending the night
at people's houses.. I guess you could say I was a little unsociable.
In 6th grade I started having panic attacks every now and then,
But I made more friends and felt comfortable spending the night.
In seventh and eight grade I started to become more hateful, I had
good friends at school, but at home I isolated myself.I stayed up all
night I couldn't sleep,I was very depressed,my memory was horrible,
and it sucked.That year I became a cutter.
Now this year lots of things changed, I'm happy every now and
then but I'm just trying to figure myself out. I think when I sleep,
eat,breathe,walk,talk.. I just cant stop thinking. Another thing I
can't do is sleep.When I do sleep I dream of things getting cut, its
weird. I've had more panic attacks this year than I ever have, but
I haven't had one lately so I guess that's good. I often zone out and
imagine myself in different situations..some of the
situations are scarey and some of them are good.. I can't remember
a lot of it though, It happens a lot when I'm stressed. I feel very
confused and lost like I dont know myself,
and I dont know what to do. That's why I'm getting
help.